so let's talk penis.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
