It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
