You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My pussy is not your playground.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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