we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
