god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
