He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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