At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
