I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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