The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize