That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
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Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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