why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize