someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
