Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
