My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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