When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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