Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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