i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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