If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize