Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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