On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
