jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
