the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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