She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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