dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
