To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
