I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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