Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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