how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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