the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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