Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
