If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
