He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
