it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
