went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize