you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
