apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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