Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
