Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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