She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
