Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
