Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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