The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
