even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
