My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
