I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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