Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
