just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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