why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just high enough for therapy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
