Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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