I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
