i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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