If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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