Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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