Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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