The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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