I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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