shes about as inviting as chlamydia
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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