So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
