Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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