i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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