mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
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STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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