My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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