i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
