I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
