I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
