Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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