I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
